Been neglecting my blog for a long time. Days have been hard for the past week due to family issue. It's just a mere case of forgetting to buy more spongecake for the family. She used words like 'Stingy', 'We're uncomparable to Chloe'.
Yes, I never spend money generously. But that doesn't mean I don't take good care of my family. Toothbrushes, shampoo, handsoap, skincare, sanitary pads, shower caps, buying/cooking dinner were all my responsibilities. On top of that, I gave her monthly household allowances.
Back then when I graduated from O level, I was being rejected the school fees for enrolling into ITE. The reason given was I'm a girl, educational standard was NOT important. I begged so hard for it till she gave in. After graduation, I took part time jobs; occasionally changing jobs. Though I keep my own earnings, I did not take money from family.
1 to 2 years into job hopping, my aunt told her to persuade me into taking a private diploma. Heeding her advise, I enrolled myself into a course. She dropped a bomb on me again. She turned the table and said I was the one who wanted to further studies, therefore I had to pay my own school fees. Dumbfound, I got to look for a job which could let me earn enough to pay my school fees. Luckily for me, I got into a reputable company. As pay was little for an ITE graduate and part timer, I had to pay school fees in 2 instalments. I scrimped and saved for 6 months before I could managed to pay the 1st instalment, living with $5 daily allowance from her covering lunch and transportation. I couldn't afford to buy textbooks so I got all the textbooks photocopied at average $10 per book, good thing she paid for this. Even though times were hard for me during this period, it was the happiest. I had superbly nice colleagues, good classmates and a supportive boyfriend.
I had to use hand down laptop from my cousin. I requested for a new one when it was in a seriously unusable state, she flatly rejected me stating the new laptop was for pleasure. She even wanted me to ask my cousin if I can have his permission to throw away the old laptop cos it WAS his. We had a bad fight due to this. She was damned convinced that my school project doesn't need a laptop. It was so bad till my boyfriend's parents offered to buy me a laptop. I was ashamed that it was non family member who had to provide my need in place of my family. I accepted the fact that there's no warmth from my family. She finally gave in due to my daily rantings and shoutings, she gave me $600 for the new laptop. She said $600 was the best she could give me cos she has no money.
Eversince school started, I could no longer work 9am to 6pm daily. Work was reduced half per day, saving for the 2nd instalment got harder. I was so proud of myself when I finally paid my school fees with the help of nobody, $5000+ from my own savings. It may be a small sum to many, but it's a huge sum to me.
She would always compare me against my younger brother, stating he was obedient, smart and all. To her, I'm like a dirt, a chao ah lian. When he got into a local poly, my dad said he's gonna report to my deceased grandparents. Dad said he could finally brag in front of our relatives our family has got a poly student as he has always felt shameful that we're the only family with no poly graduate. It hurts me so so so badly, ain't I a diploma holder? I did not give you the chance to brag cos I did not graduate from a local poly? Double stab in my heart.
The brother wanted to change his CPU, she 'loaned' him $1500. He told her he needed an additional laptop for school, she 'loaned' him another amount. It can be imagined that the 'loan' need not be returned.
Food I bought would go missing few days after placing it on the dining table. I confronted them after a few occasions, reason given was I always buy food and never eat it; leaving it to expire. If I was never given a chance to look at my food a second time, how am I able to eat it? I don't mind you guys eating my food without asking, but could you please leave some for me? Stop saying I'm stingy, I shared but you guys polished it off in a short period of time. Why you guys never say I'm stingy when you're eating my food?
After relating this lifestory, I could sum that I have a great boyfriend. He stands by me no matter what happen, no matter how hard my life is, no matter how lazy my family members are. He gave me his best, his everything to compensate what my family couldn't give me. Thank you, Alvin Tan. I love you from the bottom of my heart. I wish to set up a loving, warm family with you, a family totally different from the one I grew up in. Our children are not to suffer the same fate as me.
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